I dropped some knowledge on Lori Widmer's Words on the Page blog the other day, and it got me thinking (as Lori often does - so blame her for this post); if I were to ask 100 people what networking is all about I bet I'd get about 99 of the same answer: Networking is about connecting with people.
True enough. But what does that really mean?
It may start with a little Marshall Mathers My Name Is (go ahead - watch it & get your Slim Shady on. I'll wait), but it can't end there. And I don't mean pester the hell out of someone for a job or a contact or a sale of some kind. I mean real networking has to be about relationships. It has to be about building bonds, and in most cases it has to be about finding out how you can help someone else.
That's right. Real Networking is about finding ways to help others without the immediate reciprocation of that help, and more importantly without asking for or expecting payback.
Without further ado, let me drop some knowledge for you and give you my five tenants of real networking:
1. Never ask for the sale when you first meet someone new. I know I said this already in the introduction, but it's so important that it bares repeating. I can't tell you how many times I've personally made this mistake. Once I was sitting at dinner with a high-level IBM executive (this was at a time when I desperately wanted to get away from the firm I was with), and we had some great conversation. I mean, we really connected! We had very similar management philosophies, we were aligned in our political views, and we laughed a lot. We had a great rapport. So how could I fuck this up you ask? I asked for the sale. I said, "Do you think your organization has room for someone with my background?" Wow, you could have heard a pin drop at that moment. After giving some generic response she closed up, turned and talked with her other neighbor and barely looked my direction for the rest of the evening. And folks, that's just one of many similar stories.
Expert Commentary: "It should not and cannot be about selling. It's about taking the time to be genuinely interested in others - both personally and professionally. It's about learning from and with others. As Chris Brogan mentions in his new book Trust Agents, it's about "being there before the sale." - @DJWaldow - Social Butterfly Guy
It's just never a good idea to take before you've paid into the relationship - which leads us to the second tenant:
2. Always look for ways to help your new friend. Whether it's giving him directions, recommending a new drink or wine, or connecting them with someone who you believe can help them with their goals, it's very important that you search for some opportunity to pay into the relationship. Remember America, this is about people who likely meet someone like you a few times a week. You set yourself apart and you build your brand by seeking ways to help others. Not to mention the swelling of your good karma account!
Expert Commentary:"Networking, when done right, is selfless. Do it for others. Offer your ideas and your support." - @Laurie Ruettimann - Punk Rock HR
3. Maintain eye-contact as much as possible. Again, another one that seems obvious, but you would be amazed at how often we look away or glance around a room when talking to someone we've just met. I'm not sure if it has to do with being self-conscious or nervous, but many people do it. Keeping eye contact, especially when someone is talking to you, shows you're both interested in what they have to say and that you're confident in your ability to talk on the same level as them. Don't worry about giving off the creepy serial killer vibe; you won't. It will seem uncomfortable for you at first, but it gets easier - and soon you'll learn how to do it without scaring the shit out of people. I promise.
4. Be funny. Nothing relaxes people more than a good laugh. Now this statement is only true if you have the ability to deliver humor that's self deprecating or that doesn't target any single individual or group. If, however, you're like me and find that your sense of humor tends to leave others feeling awkward and you find that people slowly step away when you try to be funny, let me suggest that you replace this tenant with one that reads Be Polite at All Times. I know, I know, this goes without saying. But seriously, I'd rather you concentrate on how polite you are than find that you've just told the president of a firm you want to interview with that his daughter is a handsome girl with a kickin' body (did it...awkward...).
Being always polite also helps you avoid one of my personal pet peeves - let me let Laurie tell you in clearer terms than I can:
Expert Commentary:"Don't be needy. It turns people off and makes you look desperate. Who wants to be friends with the desperate guy or girl?" - @Laurie Ruettimann - Punk Rock HR
5. Don't be negative, regardless of the topic of discussion. Sometimes we think we're taking a thoughtful and informed critical position, and sometimes we're saying something that (though we would never admit it) is intended to make us look better at the expense of someone else. In reality, in a networking environment the former sounds pessimistic and the latter makes you sound like a dick. Seriously.
Being negative, even in some minor off-handed comment, doesn't make anyone look good. It's particularly damaging for someone who's trying to foster a relationship where a possible recommendation is in the cards. Think about it. If you had the choice of saying to an old mentor who you respected deeply that they might want to interview this person you just met, would you give the nod to the guy/girl who was positive and sounded like an optimistic winner, or would you tell your mentor to talk to the guy/girl who sounded like they might see roadblocks everywhere they look? Right. Me too.
So there it is. My 5 tenants of (not) Social Networking. What did I miss? Do you have any rules about getting the most out of networking opportunities? Please share in the comments - we're all friends here.
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